Wednesday, April 24, 2013

WIPpet Wednesday: Cone Head


     I love WIPpet Wednesdays, especially now that some of our WIPs have become actual books in print. I think Emily said it best when she noted how fun it is to read a story and realize, "Hey! I remember that from her WIPpet post way back!" The same thing happened to me last week when I read K. L. Schwengel's fantasy novel, "First of Her Kind."

     I also love how writers from vastly different genres have come together every Wednesday to support and read each other's work. Some of the WIPpet scenes I've read are way more gruesome than anything I'd ever pick out of a library shelf, while others have more creative fantasy power than I could dream up in several decades.

    So now that I've sung the glories of WIPpet Wednesdays, here's 24 sentences from chapter 1 of Saving Natalie, brought to you on the 24th of April.

***

     Jake took a deep breath. If he waited any longer, it would be obvious that he was stalling. Not knowing how to prepare himself for the next few minutes, he squared his shoulders and walked down the hallway to meet his baby girl. Jake walked into the birthing room and stopped in the middle of the doorway. Jessica was reclining in the hospital bed, cradling Natalie in her arms. Jake leaned his hand against the delivery room doorframe and stared at his daughter.

     She wasn’t the picture-perfect, chubby-cheeked cherub Jake was expecting. Swaddled in a pink and turquoise hospital blanket, Natalie scrunched up her face. Her skin was dark and blotchy. She had black nappy hair and a pronounced point at the top of her skull, a real cone-head.

     Jake took one hesitant step into the room. “Hi there.” Jessica turned around. “Whoa,” Jake gasped. “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

     Jessica glared at him through angry red slits, each encircled by day-old eyeliner. “I broke the blood vessels pushing.” Jake cleared his throat and took one more shuffle closer to his daughter. “So they finally let you come back, huh?” The bite in Jessica’s voice was as out of place with this picture of motherhood as the skull tattoo that peeked out from the top of her hospital gown. Or maybe Jake was just being old-fashioned

***

Random Fact #11: Saving Natalie was about the fifth novel I started writing and the first manuscript I actually finished.

     And now it's time for you to join the WIPpet game! Show us a snippet form your current Work In Progress that has something to do with today's date (like 24 sentences on April 24). Then link up here or at My Random Muse. And speaking of My Random Muse, you really should buy and read K. L. Schwengel's First of Her Kind. I'm usually not into fantasy (shhhh... it's a secret), but I really enjoyed her book! Oh, and WIPpeters, I'll be tied up most of the day so I might not get to your blogs until tomorrow. Can't wait to read your WIPs!

11 comments:

  1. I adore the details in this passage! The tattoo, her irritation with him, his complete confusion (and the fact that he's obviously very poorly prepared for this).

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    1. Thanks a lot. I went back and forth about the tattoo but am glad it's in there.

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  2. *Finally* we get into the room and get to meet the baby (love the description and how it wasn't exactly what he was expecting) and mom. Great glimpses at the characters and relationship.

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    1. Yeah, it's only page 2 in the MS but I guess in WIPpet terms it's been several weeks in the making!

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  3. This extract is really moving in a totally unsentimental way - the reality and trauma of childbirth summed up perfectly in your descriptions of baby Natalie and of Jessica's blood shot eyes.

    I totally agree with you how great it is to read other WIPpets in all kinds of genres - a wonderfully supportive group the WIPpeteers!

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    1. Kate, the eye thing I threw in because my husband actually did that to our neighbor the day after she delivered her firstborn. "What's WRONG with your EYES?!" I don't think she was amused... ;)

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  4. Ooo... a little tension in that, uh, marriage? I can't remember if you mentioned whether they are married or not. What did he do to get kicked out in the first place? That poor mama must have had to push really, really hard! I love the realistic but non-comedy-routine newborn picture!

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    1. Now that you mention it I haven't mentioned it. But it's no secret... they're not married. (enter gasping emoticon here.) I bet Bill Cosby could have written a better newborn description, but it might not have evoked the exact sense I was going for...

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    2. Oh yes. Bill Cosby's description of a newborn is.... umm... Yeah. It wouldn't have captured the emotion you wanted.

      That explains his lack of presence in the delivery room. That sort of bothered me until I read this passage and it finally dawned on me that maybe he wasn't there because he wasn't actually married to the mama.

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  5. Poor guy, he doesn't seem to have many friends in this situation. I'm feeling pretty bad for him after these past few WIPpets. I'm looking forward to learning more about his relationship with Jessica and why things are so tense.

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    1. What's funny is I don't think I felt all that sorry for him writing his story, so I love that all of you readers are so much more sympathetic than I am! Guess that tells you something about me, huh?

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