***
Hannah squinted when the door to her dark cell clicked open. “Bring the
girl to me,” ordered a voice from outside.
David jerked against his restraints. “No, take
me first.”
Hannah
didn’t have the courage to look at him. She waited in silence as a guard
unbuckled her handcuffs and yanked her toward the open door.
“God be
with you!” David’s shout echoed in the concrete cell. Hannah turned her head
back as David called out, "I won't stop
praying for you!”
Hannah
wondered if she would ever see David again. “Nor I you,” she whispered. The
guard led her away.
***
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This is a very foreboding scene - how come you ended up cutting it? Congrats on making it past 50,000 words! Hope you get the other 8-10k written so you can fully enjoy your date night. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Kate! Date night is ON!
DeleteA worrisome scene indeed. Isn't it funny how we keep our writing in our heads even when we're out doing something fun? Congrats on hitting 50k. And no problem keeping your baby hidden from the world for now.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm hoping we can think of something to talk about other than writing!
DeleteI understand. I wasn't like that with my babies, but I am like that with most first draft stuff. I can wait for more, and I'll keep the sanitizer handy. :)
ReplyDeleteVery moving. I got a little teary there, and I don't even know these characters!
I wasn't like that with my firs baby (the human kind) but my second had a lot of medical issues so we had to be really careful.
DeleteThis is really good and I agree with Kate, it's kind of ominous. Will they ever see each other again? And what's the connection between the two of them? Seeing as you cut it, I guess I might never know lol. But I'm guessing what you're keeping is even better than this! :-)
ReplyDeleteYeah, there's a lot more of their story and relationship in the first draft than what you get here!
DeleteNo need for confessions, in my opinion... It sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to do for your stories. And even when we might choose a different technique, we get it.... You have to be ready to let go before you can actually do it.
ReplyDeleteA for the scene... Sounds like nothing good was afoot. I'm curious as to why you cut it, though I know how the best written, most foreboding scene written can need trimming if it doesn't fit the story.
No, nothing good except it's kind of sweet he was trying to protect her even in that situation
DeleteI don't know what's worse being taken or being left behind... Nicely done, even though it is being cut. I hope you get it finished before Thursday night so hubby can have your full attention!
ReplyDeleteThanks Raewyn! We're excited about tonight!
DeleteThis is all going to end in tears, isn't it?! TEARS!
ReplyDelete... which is to say, I love this WIPpet, even if it is didn't make the final cut.
Hmmm... I'll have to make someone puke...
DeleteWell, that was very ominous! I agree with Raewyn, I don't know if it's worse to be her dragged out to who knows what, or left behind until who knows when!
ReplyDeleteAwww... now I'm going to wonder where it belonged when I read JNWMD1.
ReplyDelete