As a teenager, I was respected, but I never felt like I belonged. I had the perpetual feeling of being everybody's kid sister. When my high school reunion came and went a few years ago, I actually found myself wishing I could afford the trip across the country to make it.
Why? Why would I have wanted to throw myself back in the mix with the crowd that always left me feeling out-shined, under-estimated, and over-looked? Because I've changed.
I'm not the shy little girl I was in elementary school. I'm not the emotionally-needy, wishy-washy, love addict I was as a teenager. I still want to feel like I belong. I still want people to like me. As a writer, I still have to psych myself up for days to make a cold-call about a book signing. My head does a little dizzy spin when I run across a reviewer who didn't think my novel was exceptional, thrilling, heart-wrenching, and inspirational (all at the same time). But I can stand on my own two feet and look others in the eye and say, "This is who I am. I'm not flexible enough anymore to bend over backwards in hopes that you'll accept me."
In twenty more years, I hope to have even fewer fears and even more confidence. But for now, I look back at where I've come from, see how far I've come, and say an inner prayer of thanks.
Random Fact: I graduated number 11 in my class, but probably would have rather been on homecoming court...
Do you love me? So I can wax poetic about how much I've overcome my need to feel accepted, but if you REALLY wanted to make me feel good about myself, you could buy my new novel on amazon!
Blog Love: Today's Finish the Sentence Friday prompt was, "When I was young, I..." Thanks to Finish the Sentence Friday Hosts: Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine…, Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic, Stephanie of Mommy, for Real and Dawn of Dawn's Disaster!