And it wasn't me.
|getting weighed in at the dietician|
Then one morning, about halfway into our trial Silas asked me, "Why is it good to be fat?" Since I wasn't thinking about formula or tube feeds or dietician appointments, I couldn't figure out what Silas was talking about.
"Why doesn't everybody want me to stop being skinny?" Silas eventually asked. Once I got over getting hit directly in the gut, I explained to him that if the dietician told us he gained enough weight, he wouldn't need his feeding tube any more. Silas seemed just fine with that answer, and I thought the matter was dropped.
Then about a week later, Silas started weighing himself every day. He'd come out and proudly tell me what the scale said. I thought he was just getting excited about his upcoming dietician appointment and about the prospect of ditching the tube. But then he started weighing himself five or ten times a day - before and after meals, and every time he used the bathroom.
It wasn't hard to hide the scale. Silas didn't seem to really miss it, either. But now I'm left wondering if I should have done more to protect Silas from fretting so much over a few ounces.
The reality is that a few ounces gained or a few ounces lost are going to determine if Silas goes back to tube feedings or not. Silas' weight was down a full pound at the end of our three-week trial. The dietician thankfully gave him another month to try to regain, and I've been adding butter, oil, and powdered milk to just about everything Silas eats (at least it seems that way sometimes). But will it be enough?
I wish my son didn't have to worry about his weight. I know I've struggled (who hasn't?) with obsessive weight issues at different stages of my life. It's not a fate I would wish on my happy-go-lucky five year-old.
I'm hopeful going in to this new month of regular eating. At dinner just tonight, Silas ate a whole chicken thigh (grilled up by Dad), a serving of pasta (with extra oil added), and a dozen olives (high in fat). With all the supplemental calories he's getting, I can't imagine Silas not gaining back the weight he initially lost.
I just hope he can quickly forgets his desire to run to the scale every hour.
Random Fact: Fifteen years ago, I was fifteen pounds heavier. Ain't puberty grand?
Boy Named Silas ebook!