Friday, May 17, 2013

Finish The Sentence: Overcoming

senior picture
     When I was a kid, I was plagued with horrific shyness. Some of my earliest memories involve hiding behind the leg of one of my parents. By junior high and high school, I could hold a conversation without having to run away, but I was riddled with such poor self-esteem it's a small miracle I survived my teen years with relatively few scars.

     As a teenager, I was respected, but I never felt like I belonged. I had the perpetual feeling of being everybody's kid sister. When my high school reunion came and went a few years ago, I actually found myself wishing I could afford the trip across the country to make it.

     Why? Why would I have wanted to throw myself back in the mix with the crowd that always left me feeling out-shined, under-estimated, and over-looked? Because I've changed.

     I'm not the shy little girl I was in elementary school. I'm not the emotionally-needy, wishy-washy, love addict I was as a teenager. I still want to feel like I belong. I still want people to like me. As a writer, I still have to psych myself up for days to make a cold-call about a book signing. My head does a little dizzy spin when I run across a reviewer who didn't think my novel was exceptional, thrilling, heart-wrenching, and inspirational (all at the same time). But I can stand on my own two feet and look others in the eye and say, "This is who I am. I'm not flexible enough anymore to bend over backwards in hopes that you'll accept me."

     In twenty more years, I hope to have even fewer fears and even more confidence. But for now, I look back at where I've come from, see how far I've come, and say an inner prayer of thanks.

Random Fact: I graduated number 11 in my class, but probably would have rather been on homecoming court...


Do you love me? So I can wax poetic about how much I've overcome my need to feel accepted, but if you REALLY wanted to make me feel good about myself, you could buy my new novel on amazon!

 
Blog Love: Today's Finish the Sentence Friday prompt was, "When I was young, I..." Thanks to Finish the Sentence Friday Hosts: Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine…, Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic, Stephanie of Mommy, for Real and Dawn of Dawn's Disaster!

    

23 comments:

  1. Alana,
    Your senior photo is beautiful. I, too, was painfully shy as a child but luckily grew out of it (or forced myself out of it or something) in high school. Although, even no longer shy, I definitely relate to being a love addict as a teen.

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    1. Thanks Kristi! Glad you were able to force yourself out of shyness. I think for me it was a lot more like growing out of it. I never really tackled it head on ever.

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  2. I love your story of how you overcame and seriously you are an inspiration for all young girls who may not feel that they are quite good enough in their youth, because you more then proved you are just that and more!! I, too, loved the picture of you from your senior year (you were beautiful) and thank you for linking up with us again!! :)

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    1. Ah, thanks Janine! I never thought about it while writing, but yeah, I'd hope young girls could be encouraged by this!

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  3. Thanks for linking up with #FTSF this week. I totally understand not feeling like you fit in. I feel this more as an adult then when I was younger. It seems like everyone else in my life has their together and mine is such a mess!

    Hope you come back next week!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Dawn! I'm loving the linkup! I'm sorry you feel less accepted now that you're an adult. I think as adults there's definitely more opportunities to isolate ourselves. Thankfully we have Fridays to socilaize!

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  4. LOL - nice segue at the end. I still have crippling social phobias, but it's really strange. If I'm somewhere with complete strangers, I can spark up a conversation with anyone and not think anything of it, but send me to a party/event/interview, etc. and you'll find me either in the kitchen assisting/serving/doing clean-up, or I'll be glowing red, or covered in hives! It's a wonder I've ever been able to make it through a job interview to find work. That's the worst! Even having total confidence in what I do. It's like my body and my brain can't agree on what a stressful situation is LOL. Good luck with your new novel. This is my first time popping in via the #FTSF, so I'll have to check out what it is you write ...

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    1. That's so interesting you do better with complete strangers! I do better in small groups, strangers or no. Large groups and I totally get what you're saying! Welcome to the FTSF crowd!

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  5. That haircut really suits you!
    I get the whole, "look at me now" thing, but for completely different reasons.
    I consider this a pretty gutsy post. =0)

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    1. Thanks, but I would never want to have to deal with bangs again! Thanks for calling me gutsy. It's nicer than calling me butsy, for example.

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    2. Even without the bangs, I think that hairstyle would be cute.

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  6. Overcoming... the social discrimination that is becoming more apparent as Sarah gets older and the developmental gap between her and her peers grows.

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    1. Stephanie, I think that is one of the most important gifts we can give our special kids- the ability to overcome those exact hurdles. But I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. Must be hard as Sarah gets older.

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  7. Ah but you're now a writer - you're living lots of peoples dream right there. Awesome.

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  8. Thank you for sharing this. I was a ridiculously shy child, too. I came out of my shell a bit in high school and had a few groups of good friends, but I still deal with shyness and I have a lot of trouble making friends. Oh, and just reading about you making cold-calls made my throat tighten up. I have HUGE social phobia issues with phones. Always have. Causes so many problems.

    Reading about how far you've come gives me hope that I can keep moving forward. Thank you.

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    1. Sorry for freaking you out by mentioning cold calls. :) Maybe we should start ourselves a support group... ;)

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  9. I love that picture! Very beautiful!

    I am glad you were able to overcome your shyness. I guess this is one of the advantages of getting old: we learn who we are and that we are okay the way we are. Yay for self-confidence! xo

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    1. Yeah, I have to agree that it's nice to not have all those self-esteem issues (or at least fewer of them!)

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  10. wow, totally loved how you presented your form of 'shyness'. (We have a saying at the Doctrine about the personality type that you appear to have most in common with, "...does not enjoy being the center of attention, will not tolerate being ignored".

    glad I read this Post.

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    1. haha, I like that description too. Probably applies...

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  11. I used to care a LOT more about what people thought about me...until I started having kids! It's amazing how much one has to just accept the antics of the little ones when THEY are the center of attention (and not always WELCOMED attention at that!). And just so you know, I, at least, find your novel "exceptional, thrilling, heart-wrenching, and inspirational (all at the same time)" and recommend it in a heartbeat to anyone willing to stand long enough to listen! If you ever make it to your next reunion, you'll have to blog about it. :)

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    1. Agreed, Christabelle, that having kids really helps getting over some of our hangups!

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