Gently Humorous: How to Be Obnoxious on Facebook

A (sarcastic) humor post for Christian Home Magazine. Check it out!

     Do you want to be obnoxious on Facebook? Here's some status update tips from the pros. Write a status update that's chock full of boasts - but covered by a transparent veil of false humility! A proven way to annoy your Facebook friends!

Don't take the credit. Are you a mom? Well, if all you do is talk about how terrific your kids are, you're probably going to get some irate non-friends real soon. So here's what you do. You take the "humble" approach. Try something like: Wow! 14 months old and Johnny is already knows all his colors and shapes?! Where did he get so smart? I know it wasn't from me!

     See what I did there? Not only did I point out how brilliant my son is (none of my boys are named Johnny, by the way), but I also was humble enough to admit there's no way he got those genius qualities from me. Humble? Better believe it!

Act like your successes are normal for everyone. If you're an author, you've probably read all kinds of helpful blogs that warn you against spamming your followers' newsfeeds just with sales blurbs about your books. But guess what? We authors like to write about our accomplishments. Coming across as humble in doing so, however, takes a little bit of tweaking. Consider a status update like this:

Don't you just love those days when you sell 498 ebooks in twelve hours? Notice how I make it out like selling 498 ebooks in twelve hours is such a normal, everyday occurrence? Because if I act like selling that many books is a common event in the life of every author, I'm not bragging when I say it's happened to me!

Turn your brag into a complaint. This is so frustrating. Now that I've lost 35 pounds, I can't fit into any of my old evening gowns. What am I going to wear to the mayor's gala now? These kind of posts have a two-fold obnoxious component. Not only do they tell your friends the reasons for your boasting, they also tell your friends that you don't even appreciate the blessings you've already received!


Just mention God. Because, let's face it. If you mention God and give him glory, you can basically get away with saying anything and still come across as humble, right? God has blessed me so much with a husband who does laundry, washes the dishes (twice a day), makes the bed, and gives me whole weekends off to spend with my girlfriends while he watches the kids. Thanks, God, for giving me such a terrific hubby! (Ok, so maybe this is going just a little too far. I'll let you be the final judge.)

     Unfortunately, there's no real secret formula to internet humility. But if I really come up with one, I'll be the first to let you know. (And I'll give God all the glory too!)

Random Fact: Check out twitter.com/#alanafam if you want to see all my goofy, snarky tweets MINUS the obnoxious book plugs!

MMM... It's Monday! Time for a mirthfully musical YouTube video. How about this one? If there are parents who have a right to boast about their son online, it's this boys' mom and dad! Join Regi for even more MMMs!

Gently Humorous: Accidentally (On Purpose)

     It's pretty amazing how often my toddler will "accidentally" get himself into trouble. I've lost track of the times I've found Thomas with marker on his face, toes, hands, or other unmentionable body parts. When I ask him what he thought he was doing, he replies, "I accidentally drew on myself."

     I tried explaining to Thomas the difference between accidentally and on purpose. When I caught Thomas sitting on his brother's bed ripping pages out of a beloved book, I asked him, "What do you think you're doing?" I'm lucky my three year-old hasn't started rolling his eyes at me. He hasn't realized (yet) what a silly question that really is. Then again, I guess I haven't either.

     "I accidentally tore the book on purpose," Thomas admitted.

     At least my lecture set in. A little.

     Thomas' habit of "accidentally" falling into sin on purpose might be cute and humorous if it weren't so much like my own spiritual shortcomings. How many times have I accidentally wondered into the kitchen and ended up glutting myself? How many times have I picked up that secular novel and accidentally forgot to skip over those scenes I shouldn't read? How many times have I accidentally lost my temper with my kids?

     I'm horribly guilty of purposefully leading myself into temptation so that I can accidentally fall into it. Truth is, I'm no more mature than my three year-old. And I'm not as cute, either, which means I need to be even more careful. (Because, face it, it's not too easy to stay mad at a smile like this.)

     Thankfully, God has more patience with me than I have with my son, but every once in a while I imagine my heavenly Father must be sitting up in heaven asking me, "What do you think you're doing?"

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Random Fact: My wrist tendons (which are responsible for my sporadic blogging of late) used to make a thumbs-up at only about 35 degrees. Now, thanks to a ton of stretching, I can give a 90-degree thumbs up. (It's the little things that count.)

Blog Love: This post is part of Christian Home Magazine, hosted by Laura O. Since my friend Regi is also hosting her Mirth and Music Monday meme on Mondays, I'm also posting a YouTube video for you to enjoy that, in my opinion, is so musically mirthful I'm giving you both M's in one bang.

Aren't the Piano Guys awesome? I'll be taking my five year-old to their concert next winter. I'm not sure if he's more excited or if I am.

Want a free book? I just signed up with a new website that rewards readers for promoting their favorite authors. Visit my Libboo page to see how you can earn a free ebook just for your tweets and posts!