Tuesday, July 16, 2013

WIPpet Wednesday: "About the Author"



    It's WIPpet Wednesday again! Shout out to our lovely hostess, K. L. Schwengel from My Random Muse, the one writer who does simply walk into WIPpet Wednesday ... and lives to tell about it. 

     Today's WIPpet is going to be fun. Last week, I mentioned that I'm working on The Beloved Daughter: Bonus Materials to release soon as an ebook. One of the chapters is called About the Author (Unedited Edition). This is how my amazon author page would appear if I had the room for all 17 sentences (and if I didn't think it would ruin my writing career).

***

Alana Terry loves to write. Unfortunately, her passion for literature has sometimes caused her children physical discomfort. When her toddler asks her for something as simple as a drink, Alana has been known to make him wait for up to a full half an hour before she caters to his reasonable request.


Saving Natalie, the first manuscript Alana ever completed, was a total failure. It had type-casted characters, minimal plot, and enough POV (point of view) issues that you’d need a roadmap and two Advil just to make it through the first chapter. Thankfully, it was never published so she wasn’t exposed to public disgrace. Alana’s other failed attempts at writing include a historical fiction book set during the Alaskan gold rush, a non-fiction book for homeschool families about holidays around the world, and a collection of poems inspired by each of the Psalms.


Alana has some fun and cute photos up of herself online, but in truth she doesn’t even stand five feet tall and never got over the acne from her teenage years. She hasn’t worn makeup in about a decade, and a hairdresser would need to take a good five inches off her hair just to get rid of the shaggy ends. Alana suffers from carpal tunnel syndrome and sensitive teeth. 


Alana is not Korean (but thanks for asking). She also is not Chinese (note to the little kid in elementary school who teased her every day). She is half Japanese, which would have made her an enemy to the Koreans about a century ago. She has never been to Asia (thanks for asking). If you are a supporter of the arts with the means to send her on a fact-collecting trip, you can find her contact information on her webpage. 


Alana’s literary pet peeves include goody two-shoes protagonists and I-prayed-and-the-problem-was-gone plot mechanics. She’s not very fond of women who cry more than once in a novel and prefers heroines who puke under duress over ones who faint.

***

Random Fact: I weight ten pounds less than my driver's license says I do. (I gave myself some wiggle room when I first filled out my application so I wouldn't feel guilty down the road.)

Have you heard? The Beloved Daughter is only 99 cents for this week only. I'm really hoping for a boost in amazon rank. Click here to tweet it to your friends!

22 comments:

  1. I love your last paragraph and totally agree! Also the bit about your kids having to wait half an hour for a glass of water made me giggle. :D

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    1. Thanks Emily! Not sure it makes them giggle, but I'm glad it did you!

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  2. "you’d need a roadmap and two Advil just to make it through the first chapter" Bwahahahaha! I've read some books like that. And, yes, probably written some chapters like that. Very funny. I love your style and voice in this bit. :) And we both know I prefer a puking heroine to a fainting one.

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    1. hehe - so true. :) Yes, we need someone to write us an ode to puking chicks.

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  3. Yep, my kid had to wait for toast this morning. WORKING HERE!

    Love the bio. Woo bad you can't use it. :)

    *raises a glass to puking heroines*

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  4. HAHAHAHA! Wiggle room on a drivers license!

    It's the hottest summer this state has ever seen. Time for that haircut. ;0)

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    1. there's a lion in the street...

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    2. No. It's just a moose. And it's a boy, so you don't have to worry about mom-rage. AND it's busy eating the neighbor's bushes. You'll be fine.

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  5. I've gotten so into blogging that my kids have waited a good long while for food or water too! BTW, I love The Beloved Daughter!

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    1. I'm so glad you got a copy Stephanie! And yes, our kids really do suffer sometimes. Terrible, aren't we?

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  6. This made me laugh, Alana. And the fact that your drivers license states that you weigh 10 pounds more than you actually do to make yourself feel good is just genius!

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    1. HAha, thanks. Feel free to steal the idea. It really does make you feel good!

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  7. Wiggle room on a Drivers license? I wish I had thought of that!

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    1. Yeah, stroke of genius... Remember it next time you renew!

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  8. lol this is great fun! Get to learn so much about you. Love the last paragraph.

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    1. Thanks Adrian! Hope you're having a good weekend!

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  9. So have you ever been to Asia? You are SO welcome for asking! ;) I enjoyed reading your bio and getting to know you. I hear you about the chick throwing up rather than fainting! Oh! Oh! I saw this on facebook, but because of the whole 'tough chick' thing, I want to say it here. It's a quote from Betty White, and I'm roughly quoting it: "Why is it that when someone wants you to get tough, they say 'grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive. If you want to be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding." Teehehe :)

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    1. hahaha, Sarah, that's a hilarious quote. So true when you think about it!

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  10. I totally agree with you on the protagonist thing. Though, I'm not sure I'd prefer puking over fainting... There's mess! ;)

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