Tuesday, September 17, 2013

WIPpet Wednesday: Exhausted

     Happy Wednesday the 18th! Here are 18 sentences from my current WIPAST (Work In Progress A Second Time)... If you haven't tried sounding out WIPAST phonetically, I suggest you do so now. You're welcome.

     I am re-editing "A Boy Named Silas," a memoir about my son's traumatic birth and subsequent medical issues. I wrote it for family and friends and am now re-doing it with the general public in mind.

***

     I am ashamed to admit it, but early on I imagined my life might have been easier if Silas hadn’t survived his first day. I had absolutely no idea that something was wrong in the delivery room. If Phillip didn't finally get the doctor, there is no doubt Silas would have passed away, and we might have never even known why. It would be devastating, of course. But I couldn't help wondering if losing a baby would be easier than caring night and day for a child who might always be a vegetable.

     At that point in Silas' life, I didn't know what level of functioning to expect from my son. In fact, I didn't know if he would survive at all. And, in my worse mommy moments, I found myself resenting the time Silas took away from my able-bodied toddler, who looks perpetually lost and bedraggled in all our photos from that season.

     There was really only one word to describe my emotional state: exhausted. I was tired of pumping breast milk around the clock like some kind of dairy cow or human experiment. I was tired of suctioning Silas' throat several times an hour to keep his airway as clear as possible. I was tired of all the paperwork and logistics that were required to get Silas set up with all the services he needed. At that time in my life, I really could have used a full-time secretary. (Now that I think about it, a full-time nurse and housecleaner would have been welcomed too.)

***

     I would still welcome a full-time housecleaner, but I don't see that happening any time in the  next several decades. O well.

     And now for some virtual house-keeping: Congrats to Elaine Jeremiah for launching The Inheritance this week! Can't wait to read it. Speaking of reading ... do you know anybody who likes audiobooks? (That segue needs work, I know. I guess I need a virtual blog-keeper too.) Anyway, I need one or two more pre-orders for my Kickstarter campaign to be fully funded. If you're not familiar with Kickstarter, it's all or nothing. Not funded fully = no money at all. Please check it out! You can even order a gift copy of The Beloved Daughter audiobook for a friend. It will be releasing in time for Christmas (wink, wink)!

    As always, many thanks to WIPpet leader lady Kathy Schewengel! And if you're waiting for a fun, random fact about me, it's that I once had the first 18 chapters of the book of Matthew memorized. Don't ask me to prove it - I can't even get through the genealogy in chapter 1 anymore!

     Oh yeah, and remember that video of Regi and me that didn't work? Now it does! Here we are.

Now go check out that Kickstarter campaign! (Pretty please?!)

12 comments:

  1. Congratulations to Elaine! I have just purchased her book! It will take me a bit to get to it, but when I do, I will surely leave a review.

    As for your WIPpet, seeing as how it's about a very personal journey of your life, I can't help but want to hug you. I have no children myself, but it is a great fear of mine to have a mentally or physically sick child that will never have a normal life. I fear the kind of patience and tolerance it would challenge within myself, and if I could live up to the expectation. Because of those fears, I'm not at all judgmental of the emotional struggles you talk about, but rather I am keen on reading how you found yourself coping with them.

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    1. haha, I'll take that virtual hug! I'm sure Elaine is excited you'll be reading her book too! Maybe we'll have to form a little online book club for it. :) I was always scared of having a special-needs kid too, mostly because I was so wrapped up in breeding little geniuses. Sounds awful, I know, but I put a lot of stock into that back then. Sure learned a lot in the past five years!

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    2. Breeding little geniuses... You and me both on that one. *cringe*

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  2. Another very touching WIPpet. And how brave of you to share your journey, including the darker parts of it. I've never had to take care of a child in that situation, but I have had to deal with adults. It's not easy to be the caregiver and not feel your tolerance stretched to the breaking. Doubt, guilt, a longing for things to be 'normal' again . . . your story sets a wonderful example and I'm sure is an inspiration for those going through a similar experience.

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    1. I think caring for adults your close to would be even harder. I guess a baby you expect to be dependent. It must be strange and uncanny caring for your parents, for example, or grandparents or other people who once cared for you.

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  3. First of all, you and Regi are adorable, and now I feel better about my husband not reading my book. He says he'll wait for the movie, but maybe he'd settle for an audiobook? I haven't watched the actual kickstarter video yet, but I backed your project. Can't wait to hear it! :)

    Your WIPPAST (tee hee)... wow. I can't even imagine what you went through. It's hard enough having a toddler and a new baby even when both are healthy. I admire your honesty in admitting how hard it was for you, and I'm glad you're re-working this book for everyone to read.

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    1. O, I'm so glad I'm not the only one with hubby who hasn't read her book! I was pretty embarrassed to admit it, actually. :) And THANK YOU for backing the project! I appreciate the support so much!

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    2. Nope, definitely not just you. Mine doesn't read anything outside of work (I know, I know), so I try not to take it personally. Still...

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  4. I love your honesty in this passage. A lot of women would not want to admit to ever feeling like that, but I can imagine how easy it must be to slip into those kinds of thoughts when faced with this situation.

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    1. Thanks so much Emily! I think some people would be pretty judgmental, so I appreciate your compassion.

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  5. I like the honesty in this. I think it will resonate with a lot of people who've been through the same thing or are going through the same thing. I know they'll appreciate it. And well done!

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  6. WIPAST. LOL!!! Oh, the comments I could make...

    Big, big hugs to one of my heroines! =0)

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