Sunday, September 15, 2013

Gently Humorous: How to Be Obnoxious on Facebook

A (sarcastic) humor post for Christian Home Magazine. Check it out!

     Do you want to be obnoxious on Facebook? Here's some status update tips from the pros. Write a status update that's chock full of boasts - but covered by a transparent veil of false humility! A proven way to annoy your Facebook friends!

Don't take the credit. Are you a mom? Well, if all you do is talk about how terrific your kids are, you're probably going to get some irate non-friends real soon. So here's what you do. You take the "humble" approach. Try something like: Wow! 14 months old and Johnny is already knows all his colors and shapes?! Where did he get so smart? I know it wasn't from me!

     See what I did there? Not only did I point out how brilliant my son is (none of my boys are named Johnny, by the way), but I also was humble enough to admit there's no way he got those genius qualities from me. Humble? Better believe it!

Act like your successes are normal for everyone. If you're an author, you've probably read all kinds of helpful blogs that warn you against spamming your followers' newsfeeds just with sales blurbs about your books. But guess what? We authors like to write about our accomplishments. Coming across as humble in doing so, however, takes a little bit of tweaking. Consider a status update like this:

Don't you just love those days when you sell 498 ebooks in twelve hours? Notice how I make it out like selling 498 ebooks in twelve hours is such a normal, everyday occurrence? Because if I act like selling that many books is a common event in the life of every author, I'm not bragging when I say it's happened to me!

Turn your brag into a complaint. This is so frustrating. Now that I've lost 35 pounds, I can't fit into any of my old evening gowns. What am I going to wear to the mayor's gala now? These kind of posts have a two-fold obnoxious component. Not only do they tell your friends the reasons for your boasting, they also tell your friends that you don't even appreciate the blessings you've already received!

Just mention God. Because, let's face it. If you mention God and give him glory, you can basically get away with saying anything and still come across as humble, right? God has blessed me so much with a husband who does laundry, washes the dishes (twice a day), makes the bed, and gives me whole weekends off to spend with my girlfriends while he watches the kids. Thanks, God, for giving me such a terrific hubby! (Ok, so maybe this is going just a little too far. I'll let you be the final judge.)

     Unfortunately, there's no real secret formula to internet humility. But if I really come up with one, I'll be the first to let you know. (And I'll give God all the glory too!)

Random Fact: Check out if you want to see all my goofy, snarky tweets MINUS the obnoxious book plugs!

MMM... It's Monday! Time for a mirthfully musical YouTube video. How about this one? If there are parents who have a right to boast about their son online, it's this boys' mom and dad! Join Regi for even more MMMs!


  1. So thankful I was picky about who got friended on Facebook. Most of my reactions while reading updates are variations of laughter. Lots of fun people on the internet. :)

    Wow, not only is he passionate about it, he is accurate, too! I love the fact that his mom is laughing with him. It seems he could have an incredible career ahead of him if he wants it.

  2. Cute kid! He looks like he's having fun. =0)

    Hmm... I don't think I'm very good at veiled bragging. I'm much more likely to burst out with "Ooo, oo, oo! Lookie, lookie what my kids/my husband/I did!" I'll be sure to return your article frequently until I incorporate your helpful advice out of habit.