I am re-editing "A Boy Named Silas," a memoir about my son's traumatic birth and subsequent medical issues. I wrote it for family and friends and am now re-doing it with the general public in mind.
I am ashamed to admit it, but early on I imagined my life might have been easier if Silas hadn’t survived his first day. I had absolutely no idea that something was wrong in the delivery room. If Phillip didn't finally get the doctor, there is no doubt Silas would have passed away, and we might have never even known why. It would be devastating, of course. But I couldn't help wondering if losing a baby would be easier than caring night and day for a child who might always be a vegetable.
At that point in Silas' life, I didn't know what level of functioning to expect from my son. In fact, I didn't know if he would survive at all. And, in my worse mommy moments, I found myself resenting the time Silas took away from my able-bodied toddler, who looks perpetually lost and bedraggled in all our photos from that season.
There was really only one word to describe my emotional state: exhausted. I was tired of pumping breast milk around the clock like some kind of dairy cow or human experiment. I was tired of suctioning Silas' throat several times an hour to keep his airway as clear as possible. I was tired of all the paperwork and logistics that were required to get Silas set up with all the services he needed. At that time in my life, I really could have used a full-time secretary. (Now that I think about it, a full-time nurse and housecleaner would have been welcomed too.)
I would still welcome a full-time housecleaner, but I don't see that happening any time in the next several decades. O well.
And now for some virtual house-keeping: Congrats to Elaine Jeremiah for launching The Inheritance this week! Can't wait to read it. Speaking of reading ... do you know anybody who likes audiobooks? (That segue needs work, I know. I guess I need a virtual blog-keeper too.) Anyway, I need one or two more pre-orders for my Kickstarter campaign to be fully funded. If you're not familiar with Kickstarter, it's all or nothing. Not funded fully = no money at all. Please check it out! You can even order a gift copy of The Beloved Daughter audiobook for a friend. It will be releasing in time for Christmas (wink, wink)!
As always, many thanks to WIPpet leader lady Kathy Schewengel! And if you're waiting for a fun, random fact about me, it's that I once had the first 18 chapters of the book of Matthew memorized. Don't ask me to prove it - I can't even get through the genealogy in chapter 1 anymore!
Oh yeah, and remember that video of Regi and me that didn't work? Now it does! Here we are.