Tuesday, November 26, 2013

WIPpet Wednesday: "One More Push"

     Hello, WIPpeters! And a Happy Thanksgiving Eve to my friends in the US. Belated wishes to you
out there in Canada. As for the rest of you ... do you have a Thanksgiving or similar holiday where you live? (*blushes apologetically for my xenocentric public school education*)

     I'm trying to get back in to the WIPpet swing. I really am! And so, for my last WIPpet post in November I'm showcasing eleven sentences from my current WIP, Not Alone.

***

     No matter what happened, it had to end soon. Either she would die, or she would evict the child from her womb. There would be no more waiting. Mee-Kyong gritted her teeth, grunting from the effort. Sweating from the exertion, Mee-Kyong barely had time to inhale before she needed to bear down again. Her skin burned. She clenched her eyes shut, and with one more push, she stretched wider than she thought was physically possible. Another small push*, almost an afterthought, brought her child into the world. Soft fuzzy down covered near translucent eyelids. Perfectly formed nails tipped the end of ten wrinkle fingers. Pang’s child was a boy.

***

     Now, I really doubt any of you actually noticed this is only ten sentences, not eleven. But for the sake of transparency, I should tell you I ended up deleting the last sentence. Feel free to come up with your own conjectures, or else just thank me now.

*virtual cookies to whomever can help me come up with an appropriate synonym for push here

Blog Love: Huge thanks to K L Schwengel for hosting the WIPpet Wednesday blog hop, where authors post snippets from the current Works In Progress!

Random Fact: My longest labor lasted about 81 hours.

16 comments:

  1. Um . . . if you get this twice I'm confused but I think the first one got eaten. I came up with 'effort' or 'slight strain' as synonyms that would be context appropriate.

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    1. Thanks for the synonyms, sorry for the blogger woes. I think my blog heard you threaten me with flying monkeys or something.

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  2. 81 hours?! That's awful! But I'm guessing worth it! Great excerpt BTW. Looking forward to reading the full story in the not-too-distant future. :)

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  3. 81 hours of labor... ACK! Though I imagine if my ob/gyn wasn't obsessed with getting me on the operating table and cutting me open, that might have been the case for me too. As if was, I went through two hospital stays of two days each and four runs of pictocin that did nothing but put my son in distress and force the issue (I know a lot more now and would never let that happen again, but the things you don't know when you've never been somewhere... read all the books, hear all the advice, and still know nothing...)

    I have to say, I am stunned at how gentle the phrasing is here for Mee-Kyong's experience. She doesn't feel quite as if she's facing death yet... But that could be the peacefulness that comes with the knowing what is at stake too...

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    1. My first was a c-section/pitocin, etc. as well, Eden. So sorry! How many kids do you have?

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  4. Maybe a "tightening" for push? Nice excerpt! Oooh - 81 hours is torture!

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  5. I'm in the 81-hour-club too. What I remember most is not being aware of myself or my body, but very, very aware of my womb and the process of birthing. So I'm wondering if she would be aware of her skin or would her eyes burn? What is here is beautifully crafted, so the double use of push doesn't bother me. But what I do remember of the moment of birth in that late stage is the feeling that every thing in my body was pushing down (yes, down), people were talking to me but I couldn't hear them, and then suddenly, there was a sense of weightlessness, a release, an emptiness. Mee-Kyong may be alone, but for me, her actual moment of birth is glossed over, revealed in a sentence that distances the reader.(Another small push), and maybe that's what bothers you. Maybe: She pushed again, knowing it was her last. Her child, almost an afterthought, slid into the world. Your next sentence is amazing. A fine excerpt with a lot of action packed into few words. Look forward to reading more.

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    1. Beth, I really appreciate your insights on your birth experience. Yikes, I don't often meet other 81-hours moms!

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  6. Ugh. Is it bad that I'm glad I didn't have to go through that? And 81 hours?! You are a warrior.

    I can't wait to see more of this story...

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  7. Nudge? Squeeze?

    Please tell me Mee-Kyong has the sense to labor in a proper position and not on her back. =0P

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    1. Yay!!!! Finally some realism in a non-Westernized birth-story. =0)

      If you think YOUR labor was bad...
      Just kidding. ;0)

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  8. Very intense and good scene. Having been drugged as much as they would allow and having been in labor for about 12 hours, I can't say I relate physically. The wanting to know everything is there and the baby's sex... that I can relate to.

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