Tuesday, October 7, 2014

WIPpet Wednesday: "Anything But Tragedy"

Happy Wednesday, everybody. I hope you're all having good week. Unfortunately, my Wednesday
will consist of taking my six-year-old to an orthopedic doctor. Looks like the poor guy might have broken his back after falling off a ten-foot climbing wall. The good news is that he hasn't been in much pain, and none of the treatments the pediatrician mentioned were invasive at all. Blessings of youth, I guess.

For today's WIPpet, I'm excited, and admittedly a little bit nervous, to share my blurb from Torn Asunder. It's still a work in progress (which is why it qualifies for WIPpet Wednesday), but it does feel exciting to draft it now as opposed to the day I upload the whole book to KDP. I haven't gotten the impression that any of my WIPpet friends are inherently offended by Christian fiction, however  just so you know Torn Asunder definitely has a stronger Christian theme than my other North Korean novels. It's also way more romantic. I'm still not totally sure how I feel about that. Let's hope Regi doesn't gag when she betas for me.

Anyway, WIPpet posts are supposed to somehow corresponds to the date, and so I am giving you the following three-paragraph blurb in honor of October 8, because I drafted the blurb in October. (See what I did there?)

***

They gave up a lifetime together to serve in a land that wants them dead.

When Hannah and Simon sneak back into their North Korean homeland, they are both ready to die for the sake of the gospel. But can they really sacrifice their relationship like their mission requires? And if they can't, will their devotion to one another pose an even greater threat than the National Security Agency and its network of spies, secret police, and informants?

On the most hostile mission field in the world, can a love like theirs end in anything but tragedy?

***

Blog Love: Huge thanks to K L Schwengel for hosting the WIPpet Wednesday blog hop, where authors post snippets from the current Works In Progress.

Random Fact: My son Silas, the same one who is going to see the doctor today, has now gone eighteen months without using his feeding tube. Way to go, Silas!

19 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! Your poor urchin. :( A broken back sounds entirely too serious. I hope everything goes well.

    I like the blurb, but I think I'd like fewer questions and more statements. You've got the chunk of what's happening and what the stakes are, but I think it could by punchier.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with this assessment. I love what you've got, but having a lot of questions almost seems like you're trying too hard to pull the reader in. You don't need questions to do that. It's a strong, compelling set-up.

      And ouch to the back. Hope everything is okay. :(

      Delete
    2. Thanks to you both, yeah I think it would work just fine reverting at least one of the questions into a statement.

      Delete
  2. Hm, yes, I think I agree with the others. I like the impact a single question poses, so maybe turn the first couple into statements and leave the last one?

    I'm excited to read this. Obviously, I'm partial to romantic stories, but I like ones that have a lot of plot and not just the emotional/love part. This looks like it would strike that balance nicely and be exciting enough to hold my interest. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to hear it sounds like one you might be interested in reading! Yes, I think it would work very easily to change at least one of the questions into a statement. Good suggestion.

      Delete
  3. That's frightening news. I hope your son's back is on the mend soon. I enjoyed the blurb - it gave us a taste of what to expect, while providing a number of questions to ponder :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much. Hopefully he'll heal up quickly.

      Delete
  4. Holy moly a broken back! Poor kiddo! Although yay for no feeding tube. Not sure how old he is, but it sounds like he has ongoing health challenges. Blessings to both of you as you deal with those.

    Okay, here's my blow by blow reactions to your blurb:

    They gave up a lifetime together to serve in a land that wants them dead. (a land? not sure how a land can want people dead. A hostile government, yes, but land seems too vague and a little confusing for my itty bitty brain)

    When Hannah and Simon sneak back into their North Korean homeland, (Hannah and Simon are unusual names for people born in North Korea - maybe call them missionaries?) they are both ready to die for the sake of the gospel. But can they really sacrifice their relationship like their mission requires? (vague. Why would a mission require sacrificing their relationship?) And if they can't, will their devotion to one another pose an even greater threat than the National Security Agency (at first I thought you were talking about the NSA in the US - maybe call them the "secret police" instead? That implies spies and informants too) and its network of spies, secret police, and informants?

    On the most hostile mission field in the world, can a love like theirs end in anything but tragedy?

    I know it probably feels like I picked your poor blurb to bits. Alas, blurbs are HARD, I know. A few suggestions:

    Repression, lies, and secrets are commonplace in North Korea, Hannah and Simon know all too well. Raised by missionary parents in the lush ____ valley (or where-ever) they ran for their lives six years ago. The experience opened their hearts to one another, but now the easy life is over. They've been called to return home, and they both know what that means - martyrdom for the gospel. Can they ...?

    I know that's quick and dirty and probably incorrect as all heck, but it focuses more on action and plot and I think that's how you'll punch up the blurb and draw people in with the strength of the characters' dilemma. Hope this helps.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the very thorough feedback. I appreciate it a ton. You had some awesome suggestions. Thanks for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful response.

      Delete
  5. Oh, duh. You did mention that your son is 6 years old. Reading comprehension fail on my part!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hate blurb writing. More than any other part of writing a novel, I HATE BLURB WRITING. I think the others have given you some great advice, though from my perspective, I really liked the first sentence. I could hear it in my head being said by Mr. Moviefone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with you about blurb writing. But I'm absolutely tickled you heard Mr. Movie in your head!

      Delete
  7. Are you kidding! It's just the blurb and I'm already gagging. ;-)

    Kidding. I don't think I have anything to add to what everyone else said. Except, I liked Xina's breakdown from the POV of someone with far less background info. than I have. I must remember to have her slaughter my blurbs.

    By the way, I finally answered my 09/24 WIPpet comments. You have officially been called a sow. =0P

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hope your son makes a full recovery Alana. I will keep him in my prayers.

    Great blurb, although I think I agree with Kathi that there are a lot of questions, so maybe you need more statements to make it starker and more memorable.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'll admit...I'm really not a fan of questions in blurbs. It always (to me and probably me only) makes it sound like the author is talking to me like a kid and trying to get me to do something I don't want to do. I don't know why, but it does. It also usually tells me exactly what's going to happen in the story rather than just leading into it. Most of the questions you have can easily be turned into statements. It's just a thought.

    And poor Silas!! I'll be praying for a quick and speedy recovery.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh. My. Gosh. I'm having a hard time getting past the "my 6 year-old broke his back" part! You guys will be in my thoughts, for sure! (Also - I like the blurb... and I did see what you did there. :) )

    ReplyDelete
  11. Surely if Regi can get through betaing A More Complicated Fairytale for me, she can get through one of your stories, even if it does have more romance than usual.

    I really like the opening sentence of the blurb, and I think the last question in a line on its own is quite punchy, but I do agree with the others about maybe turning the others into statements.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm not sure there's anything I can add to the comments above - I'm getting here late. I am interested in reading more.

    I'm spiritual rather than religious. I don't mind religious storylines as long as they don't prosetylize. This sounds like their beliefs are integral to the story, and also as though they're living them...I don't find that a turn-off as well.

    I hope that, by now, Silas is on the mend. A year and a half without the tube - I would be smiling wide, but I have an abscessed tooth and a swollen face. My soul is smiling for you all!

    ReplyDelete