Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Torn Asunder Excerpts

These two excerpts from Torn Asunder are the audition script for potential narrators. Torn Asunder is a Christian suspense with a strong romantic element.

"I am so glad to see you," she breathed.

"You have no idea how thankful I am to hear you say that."

She wiped her cheek. "What do you mean?"

"For as long as I've known you, I've never seen you break one rule. Not one." He pulled away. If he held her for even a minute longer, he would never find the strength to let her go again. He let his fingers brush against hers for a brief moment before dropping his hands to his sides. "You'll probably hate me for this, but I've been following you." She didn't say anything. Was she angry? He hurried to clarify. "It just didn't seem right, sending you out all alone. No one to look out for you. I know the Sterns said it was safer to travel separately, but, well, you're so young. And if anything happened to you, and I wasn't there to protect you …"

She raised her eyes to meet his. "I understand."

***

He knew it was General Sin behind him by the way the dirt trembled under the forceful strides. Soon didn't turn around. The general had already seen his tears once.

"You did well today." General Sin never offered praise before. Soon lifted his finger to his cheek and pretended to scratch it. He made a move to stand up, but General Sin squatted down next to him. For a moment, the two kept silent vigil before Levi's unmarked grave. Soon could hear the general's throat working each time he swallowed. Finally, the general coughed and mumbled, "For the kingdom to advance, we must all be prepared to make sacrifices."

A dozen questions hung on Soon's shoulders like chinks in an iron chain until he finally found his courage and his voice. "When you say sacrifices, do you mean martyrdom? Or murder?"

General Sin picked up a stick and etched lines in the dirt. "Yes."

Soon didn't ask any other questions.


21 comments:

  1. Oh! Do you have an outtakes scene folder as well? That would be fun to read! Maybe this very scene is in there. "Mr. Kim frowned but didn't say anything. Several seconds passed, then "Dangit. Author? I forgot my line. What is it again?" ;) hehehe

    Just saying.

    It would be cool to read...

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    1. I love that, Sarah! I think outtakes would be an awesome addition to a lot of books.

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    2. haha, I like that idea a lot too

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    3. Oh, could I do outtakes with Trip and T'Pol....hmmmmm!

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  2. Oooh!

    I also have a deleted scenes folder of sorts (more like years worth of stuff I haven't gotten rid of after it was removed from the manuscript).

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    1. I know, it's impossible to get rid of, isn't it?

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  3. Oh, dear, does he have one in mind?

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    1. Yeah. It's not the one she wants. Hence the deleted scene.

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  4. Great snippet, I'm glad we got to read it, even if it is in a specially marked folder :-)

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    1. He thinks. I feel less guilty about making cuts when I can at least share them with somebody

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  5. I am ashamed to admit I don't save my deleted scenes. I take the "deleted" part literally, unless I think I can rewrite it for something else. I may have to rethink that! I like the snippet and how it reveals a bit about both characters.

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    1. Thanks Amy. I wish I could get rid of mine. It makes my documents for very messy

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  6. I don't save mine either, but now that I see some people posting theirs, I may have to start keeping some of mine. Nicely done!

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    1. Thanks. I always feel a little less futile if my cut scenes at least end up somewhere.

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  7. This made me snort...mostly because I was told the same thing when I was 19.

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  8. I collect most of my deleted scenes because often I re-work them and they wind up being used somewhere. Besides, it's fun to go back and look at what didn't make the cut, and why.

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    1. I often find it embarrassing to look over my deleted scenes. I hardly ever bring them out.

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  9. I save some, when I really like them. Once in a while, I realize I'm writing a scene that belongs in another book, but I keep going, because I can't stop! Then, when it's time for revisions, I can move it.

    Other things I like, and might adapt, but just don't want to lose....

    I love this little bit. You always reveal so much in so few words. I really admire that! I especially like the idea of her sweating- even if I don't think it's all due to that fire at her back.

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  10. Great excerpt Alana. I liked the tension you portray - it was well drawn. It sounds like it's gonna be a really exciting read. :-)

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  11. ... Shall I send Arvid over? She'd disagree vehemently. Pffft. I disagree vehemently, and I DID have a husband at 19.

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