and see it yourself!) And here's 7 paragraphs from the 9th page of part two of Draft1 in honor of 7/9. I'll get back to newsier WIPpets when I'm done with this heavy-duty drafting. Hope everyone's doing great! ***
“I still don’t know what Moses was thinking.” Mr. Kim’s volume had steadily increased since Hannah returned to her room and shut the door. She did what she could to keep from eavesdropping and even tried to force herself to sleep, but the fine hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. “She can’t even be twenty years old. Next thing you know, he’ll expect me to send my own daughter across the border.”
“He has a reason for everything he does.” Kwan’s voice was steady, and Hannah longed to let its confidence absorb into her own soul.
Mr. Kim laughed mirthlessly. “He has reasons, all right.”
“His situation is … precarious.” Kwan spoke with reverence. “He’s constantly in danger.”
Mr. Kim grunted. “So am I. But you don’t see me plucking little girls out of nursery school and throwing them to the Pyongyang tigers.” Hannah wished she could ignore their conversation, but even though her head was heavy with fever and her body trembled with chills underneath So-Young’s blanket, her mind tuned in to every syllable.
“She came from Onsong,” Kwan stated calmly. “She obviously endured a lot. She must have proven herself to someone there, gotten Moses’ attention somehow. They say he has connections within …”
“I don’t need to be told about his connections,” Mr. Kim interrupted.
***
It's a little more vague than what I like to usually post, but maybe once I start on edits it will be smoother. Hope you're all having a great week!
Blog Love: Huge thanks to K L Schwengel for hosting the WIPpet Wednesday blog hop, where authors post snippets from the current Works In Progress.
Here's the link to Kate's book if you want to check it out.
Kate's book *is* awesome. :) I'm so happy for her that it is doing well.
ReplyDeleteI always find little gems when I'm reading your WIPpets. Today it was this, "Hannah longed to let its confidence absorb into her own soul." Beautiful. The scene is set up wonderfully, building a sense of intrigue and tension.
Thanks - glad you liked Kate's book too. If it weren't for WIPpeters, I wouldn't have read any fantasy. Ever. Minus the Percy Jackson my son talked me into...
DeleteThanks for the shout-out! That was such a nice welcome back to WW for me. :)
ReplyDeleteMoses? Hannah? *flails*
Aw, welcome back. And please post a video of the *flails* when you get the chance
DeleteI like that it's vague, gives me other things to focus on like what their feeling and such, which is why, as Kathi mentioned, that one sentence stands out so much. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks Adrian!
DeleteI wasn't bothered by the vagueness. I agree with the others--it lets us see the finer details. Interesting what stands out to different people. I picked up on the sensations of her heavy head and chills as the part that felt vivid to me.
ReplyDeleteGlad the vagueness was all right for you. Thanks for the feedback!
DeleteYou write so well Alana. I love the subtle way you describe what's going on in Hannah's mind, how her mind's alert even though her body's sick.
ReplyDeleteThanks Elaine! I had actually forgot she was sick when I wrote this passage - I had to go back and re-read it once you mentioned it. :)
DeleteOkay, I swore that I posted, but it disappeared. So here goes try #2.
ReplyDeleteScenes don't always have to be filled with action to be delectable. This excerpt was like that, and my particularly favorite line was: "Hannah wished she could ignore their conversation, but even though her head was heavy with fever and her body trembled with chills underneath So-Young’s blanket, her mind tuned in to every syllable."
To me, the vague dread and muzziness ring perfect for a fever. Hannah is sick, and not quite taking it all in. She seems to be clinging to the bits of words and emotion she can catch at, and you convey it with power and just the right level of subdued angst.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't help but focus on the names (as Hannah must have) Moses, Kwan, Mr.Kim... Knowing the connections, knowing the positions these characters hold in this society.... They echoed in and out, grasping at each other, trying to become something more substantial, yet not doing so.
ReplyDeleteJust as if I were Hannah, in her head, as I should be...
Ooo... I like it! I like Kwan's calm, quiet statements vs. Mr. Kim's somewhat illogical arguments.
ReplyDeleteHannah immediately jumped off the page to me, in danger, sick, fearful of what she would learn, all deftly suggested by lovely overheard conversations and Hannah's reactions. Congrats also to Kate Sparkes; great idea to highlight her new book, Bound; it's a compelling read.
ReplyDelete