Tuesday, July 15, 2014

WIPpet Wednesday: "Angel"

Happy Wednesday! How's everybody doing? I've been having a fun week swimming with the boys in leech-infected water, running away from retreating in a calm and confident manner from mama black bears at the park,  and re-reading The Grapes of Wrath, which I have to admit I love even more the second time around.

Draft1 is still coming along. I feel like I've been on this last section now for weeks (which I have). I'm hoping for just a few more really productive sessions to get it totally finished, because then I get to move on to getting Slave Again published! *fingers crossed*

In honor 7/17, here are 17 sentences from Draft1. (Yeah, I've really got to work some more on that title...)


***

Bars rattled. Boots stomped to the distance. Gentle steps, soft as the spring breeze, tiptoed toward him. A hallucination, but a beautiful one. She sat down near him and cradled his head in her lap. He tried to lift his finger, but it was too heavy. He pried his eyes open. An angel?

“I’m sorry to hear you’ve been sick.” The voice was beautiful as a ray of heavenly glory, but there was something about it that still tied him to this earth. He swallowed once. He had to focus.

She adjusted the flashlight in her hand, and in that split second, everything was clear. He saw her face, watched the surprise replace the serene smile, then the horror chase away the shock. She gasped and whispered his name. She leaned down over him, her tears splashing onto his face, reviving him, awakening his spirit that had been so ready to rest, reminding him for the first time in weeks just how badly he wanted to live.

Oh, sweet and merciful Jesus, he wanted to live.

***

Blog Love: Huge thanks to K L Schwengel for hosting the WIPpet Wednesday blog hop, where authors post snippets from the current Works In Progress.

10 comments:

  1. Oh, this, "awakening his spirit that had been so ready to rest," it tore my heart out. This whole little snippet tore my heart out. Ah...well done. *sniff*

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  2. Love it! Beautiful emotion here.

    Someone said there was a black bear up behind our house a few days ago. Not great news... O.o

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  3. Oh this is good. I want to read more! Very nice job.

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  4. I love this. I love the waking up and figuring it all out thing that's going on here. It's very well-done.

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  5. I'm just in love with the poetic style you use. It always evokes a particular feeling in me, but despite the fact that I'm a writer, I can't put it into words. This is lovely, and I like the emotions it stirs. I definitely want to read more.

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  6. I love the last two sentences. So powerful.

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  7. Wow, intense. Excellent snippet!

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  8. Wow what a powerful, mesmerizing passage Alana. And so intriguing. I wonder if the man in the passage is will survive.

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  9. =0( *sniff* Poor, poor X and Y.

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  10. Strong ending! Powerful, intense... STRONG ending.

    Want more!

    Though leech-infested waters... less so.

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